“I HOPE YOU DIE!” “GO TO HELL!” …”YOUR DI*@ LITTLE ANYWAY”…”BROKE ASS”

These are just some of the lovely things we enjoy venting to each other during what I will refer to in this piece as “THE BREAK-UP!” While listening to the break-up I’m going to get even hip hop song “FANCY CLOWN” by MadVillain, I began to think about how and why as sensible humans we would do this to each other. And how sometimes the things you may hear from the soon to be ex are so unbelievable that the statements may have you in tears of laughter.

There are many reasons why two people who at first seemed to find a common thread that joined them into a magical union suddenly turn into mortal enemies. Cheating, lying, or even the new and popular upgrading can contribute to the demise of the love affair. I myself have experienced many of the names and even physical attacks during a break up or two. To make the ex-partner feel as bad you do the verbal attack is usually in my experience the immediate response to the situation. Depending on who is actually responsible for “THE BREAK-UP” routinely determines where the first verbal missile will come from. Primarily there isn’t a building to the nuclear meltdown as in regular arguments. At this point the gloves are off and any and everything is fair game. Here is where the test of skill, will, and toughness comes in.

For research I polled the question of “what is the worst thing you have said and has been said to you during “THE BKEAK-UP?” Getting the ladies who were polled to admit that they themselves had been involved in this common practice of over the top ex-bashing was a hard task. I found that many at first did not feel comfortable relaying this information. But once they began the flood gates were open. It seemed that the ladies enjoyed a direct mega-ton bomb approach to getting even during “THE BREAK-UP.” In other words, attacking the number one thing that they felt would break the man down and shake his foundation. Of course I am referring to the dreaded “your di** is little.” A female I polled had unleashed a barrage of these manhood targeting drone missiles in the favorite female arena…. right in front of his friends. “Why do you have Magnums(condoms) anyway” ….” how do you have three boys(children) when you can’t get the sperm pass the pubic hair” was the direct I’m gonna set you straight about your ego attack she used. Another suggested to a man that he try a gay lifestyle because she faked every encounter they had and informed her soon to be ex that he could never satisfy a woman. The list goes on and on with a few unhealthy slices of attacks on hygiene, family, and my number two on “THE BREAK-UP” list…. the dreaded “I fu**ed your boy and he was better than you!” Cheating was the main foul that could provoke a woman into setting it off on a man, but now “THE UPGRADE” is fastly gaining momentum. “THE UPGRADE” is the practice of a woman or man (usually the ladies) finding someone who is more affluent than their current partner. Somebody who has more $$$$ paper. For a lesser man this may be even worse than the attacks on his manhood. There is definitely no way to easily tell your partner…”yea ..um I met a” throw it in the bag” dude at the club and you can’t even afford to lemme look at the bag let alone throw something in it!.” So now a whole different attack approach is made regarding the financial status of your partner. “Broke Ass” was a favorite in this category for the women.

Women are not alone in this battle men also battle for get even supremacy. During polling and past conversations, I found that most of the men kept similar attack procedures. The usual “fu- - you b(word)” or “I got plenty of women who like it” were defenses to the “THE BREAK-UP” attack. For offensive measures most of the time the men had to be caught in the wrong so not much offense was needed. But in some instances it came down to body shape and the availability of the other woman and her being less of a nag and a drama queen. In other words, “my new chick finer than you” or “you can’t keep a man because all you do is talk sh** and run your mouth.” From my knowledge most men don’t engage in this battle like the women do. A lot of cursing and idle threats are usually the things I have known to be the attack weapons for the men. Now “THE UPGRADE” is also on the rise with the men. Because so many women are out here hustling themselves some men are looking to step away from their current situation into a new and improved model. This can lead to a few “she holds me down and got my back…all you wanna do is spend money” …” fake Niki Minaj” ...” go buy a bigger as-” …” your lazy as hell.” In some cases, the personal attack on the woman’s body or sleeping with her friend and telling her about during “THE BREAK-UP” kind of evens out the “little di**” attack from the women.

Sometimes as a spectator you can witness these wars on the street, in the club, or even at the church. But thanks to shows like cheaters and the social networks a lot of it is done for the entire world to see. Men and women take to texts and Facebook to dog or drag their ex through the mud. And this is what I find funny about the whole thing. For the women I asked why did you stay with him if his manhood could not satisfy you? The responses were all comical to me …” I was bored…I felt sorry for him...I thought I could train him” blah blah blah. For the men to be honest I never got an answer to why stay with her if you were not happy. At the end of the day we all have or will go through “THE BREAK-UP” and depending on your direct involvement will depend on how you fair in this fight of fights. Ask yourself what have you said or done to your ex that would make people say DDDDDAAAAYYYYUUUUMMMM